Crazy Costco Chaos Cracked Crock Pot (Say That 5 Times Fast!)

After poor Miss M had suffered a week-long tummy bug, it was time for us to get out of the house. The weather has been awfully cold and depressing. We managed to play in the snow once this week before the temperature plummeted to -12 or colder with wicked winds. It certainly hasn’t been baby-friendly to get outdoors.. We tried to get out for a walk last night since it was a bit milder in temperature. After spending a ridiculous amount of time wrestling two babies into snow suits, hats, boots, mittens then loading them in the stroller, we got halfway up the block before the wind started to pick up scaring poor Mr. C to tears.  I ended up running back home with the wind blowing in my face, pulling the stroller backwards behind me like a rickshaw so that the babies would be sheltered from the cold.  We were getting out today.

Since Baby Bonus cheques were in, I decided to do what any responsible mother would do – a Costco run!  We were running low on our Costco necessities, particularly baby wipes.  A week of non-stop baby diarrhea will make you reach new quotas in wipe usage.  I fed both babies a snack in their highchair/booster seat while I cooked a meat sauce and some pasta for them to eat for lunch when we returned.  I had moved the crockpot from the kitchen counter to the table so I would remember to bring it downstairs to the storage room on my next trip down.  It had been sitting there for 3 days since making chili on the weekend.  It takes a while before I have free hands to take something downstairs besides laundry.  The babies finished up their snacks and I removed their trays to clean.  While still in their seats, I packed the diaper bag and put my boots on to go out to start the car.  As I pulled my second boot up, I heard a loud “CRASH!” from behind me.  For a millisecond, I closed my eyes, held my breath and anticipated crying before turning around.  Cue: screams of terror.  Not screams of pain.  Phewwf!  I turned around to see 9 month old Mr. C sitting in his high chair screaming with the cord to the crockpot in his hand.  He had reached it from the table, pulling the crock pot off the table and shattering the porcelain pot all over the floor.  He was terrified.  There were pieces of broken porcelain everywhere.  It figures.  I had just sacrificed much needed sleep last night to scrub the kitchen floor.  Murphy’s Law strikes again.  I pried the cord to the crockpot from his grip and gave him a tight snuggle in his seat and a million kisses on the head until he realized he was okay.  20 month old Miss M’s eyes caught mine and she said “Woah!”  “Woah” is right, little lady.  I looked up at the clock.  It was almost 11am.  Our window of opportunity was closing.  If we were going to make it to Costco and back before lunch/nap time we had to leave now.  I ignored the shattered crockpot on the floor and grabbed both babies’ coats, mittens and hats.

Miss M is a little bit particular about how things should be.  We really don’t have to worry about forgetting to close a baby gate.  She will shut it.  When she is upstairs, we always keep the doors to the bathroom, our bedroom and the office closed so she doesn’t get into anything she shouldn’t.  If I don’t close them, she will close them.  She knows how things should be and it bothers her when things are out of order.  That being said, it was really bothering her that I hadn’t cleaned up the smashed mess on the floor.  She kept saying “Uh-oh!” which made Mr. C echo “Uh-Oh!” as well.  You can tell how many messes, spills, breaks and smashes Mr. C has seen in his 9 months by the fact that his first real word was “Uh-oh!” I’m not kidding.

As I bundled them up in their hats, coats, mittens, boots, the two of them chanted “Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-Oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh–oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!”  the entire time.  Serenity now.

Uh oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

Uh oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!

I loaded them up and we were off.  I don’t know what I’m going to do when I go back to work because Costco on a weekday is deadly enough.  I refuse to shop there on weekends.  Just pulling into the parking lot, the chaos begins with people cutting other people off to steal parking spots.  Navigating through the aisles with a cart is even worse.  The rules of the road still apply, people!  I braked to let an elderly couple back out of their parking spot.  As they reversed, a black jeep came flying through the parking lot and cut in front of me to take their spot.  What is wrong with people?  You, black jeep, almost hit 2 cars to secure a spot closest to the doors.  Wow.  If only you knew that I never park close to the doors.  I always park close to a shopping cart corral.  It makes it easy for loading the babies in and out of the cart without having to leave them to return the cart.  I consider it a personal victory every time I get a spot right next to the shopping cart corral in any parking lot!  I parked at the back next to a shopping cart corral, grabbed a cart, wiped it down with a Lysol wipe, loaded the babies into the seat (Thank you Costco for having carts with seats for TWO babies!) and ran against the wind into the building.  As Mr. C screamed because he hates wearing a hat or any winter gear for that matter, I rummaged through my purse to get my membership card so we could get inside and unbundle.  I will never understand having to show your membership card at the door.  A) It’s annoying to try to find it just to get inside the door.  B) I never remember if I put it back in my purse or in a pocket when it’s time to check out.  C) You can’t buy anything without a membership anyway so wouldn’t it actually entice people to become members if they could see what is inside?  I got both kids unbundled and put my membership card back into my wallet while Miss M and Mr. C fought over who was going to eat the promotional flyer the door guard had just handed me.

It was a good day to be at Costco.  They had lots of baby-friendly samples.  Both babes got to eat a piece of toast and Miss M got to sample some fruit juice.  That was a disaster.  She has just started to drink from a “big girl cup” so she wanted to hold it herself.  The juice was poured into one of those paper cups similar to what fast food restaurants use for dispensing ketchup.  Needless to say, as she stubbornly pulled the cup from my hands to hold it herself, she squished it, splashing juice all over herself and me.  Wonderful.  She also got to sample some hummus and some cheese so she was a happy girl.  Costco had a huge Krispy Kreme Donut booth in the  middle of the store with people lined up for miles, cutting each other off with their carts to get a sample of a donut.  It’s incredible what people will do for a bite-sized piece of donut.  They push, they shove, they butt in line, they block entire aisles.  Let me through people.  I just need to grab some bagels and you have created a wall around the bakery department.  I am not trying to push ahead of you to get a piece of donut.  Needless to say, I know I am NOT pregnant because I managed to leave the store without even thinking about buying a box of delicious Krispy Kremes.  This is unheard of as a preggo.

We managed to collect all of our Costco necessities; diapers, wipes (Kirkland’s brand is the official wipe brand of our double baby household!), frozen fruit for smoothies, Greek Yogurt (you can get 2 huge containers for the price of 1 small one at the grocery store), coconut oil (pure magic to use one product as a cooking oil, moisturizer, diaper cream and so much more), milk, chia seeds (there is no superfood I won’t try.  I need all the help I can get!), jalapeno cheddar bagels, a case of Goldfish crackers and a Lysol wipes value pack.  Like I said, necessities.

The worst part of Costco with 2 babies: the checkout.  I get anxiety as I walk up to the cash registers because I know that some sort of chaos is about to unfold.  They have it set up so the member walks on one side of the counter and your cart goes on the other side.  Fine.  Please make an exception when the cart has two babies strapped into it.  When I only had one baby, I would take her out and hold her while I paid but I can’t hold two, nor do I want two out of my reach.  Some cashiers are really good about it and let me either bring my cart through the “member only” side or tell me I can walk with my cart full of babies on the cart side and pull it around to pay.  Some are so anal about separating the member from the cart.  I’m sure there is a reason for this rule to be implemented and I don’t want to see anyone get in trouble for not following the rules of their workplace.  My guess is that they want the cart to go behind the cashier so the cashier can check it for any merchandise on the bottom that they might not see otherwise.  I get it.  Every retail business has to take certain precautions to protect against shoplifting.  Let me walk on the cart side with my babies then!

On this visit, I didn’t even get the chance to have the Member vs. Cart lane debate.  As I grabbed my purse to rummage through and get my membership card, a second cashier grabbed my cart and pulled it away from me with my kids in tow.  Mr. C freaked out, understandably.  Some stranger had just wheeled him away from his mother.  Miss M started to cry too.  I ran around to meet them on the other side and pulled the cart over to the “member side” with me.  The cashier was really nice so I didn’t make a big deal out of it.  She actually tried to entertain the babies while I paid.  However, she really needs to understand that while I’m sure she’s a nice person who is following the rules, doing her job and likes babies, to me and especially to my kids, she is a stranger.  I don’t know her.  My kids don’t know her and I am not even a tiny bit comfortable with my kids being out of my reach while out in public.  They are even more uncomfortable with being out of my reach and sight.  Do not ever separate babies from their parent. Ugh.

I stood in a line of carts waiting to have our receipt examined against the contents of our cart before leaving the store with both babies screaming their heads off.  They were tired and hungry and fed up with this entire experience.  I can’t blame them.  I felt the exact same way.  I decided to multi-task and bundle them up in their winter gear while I inched the cart up with my knee.  Obviously, this meant that my fellow Costco shoppers saw an opportunity to butt in front of us.  Wow.  As I tied up Miss M’s hat, Mr. C grabbed the receipt from my hand and took a big, slobbery bite out of it.  Gross.  This had better not hold us up at the checkpoint.  The cashier laughed about it and waved us through as I wiped black ink off of his chin. Phewwf.  The babies screamed as I pushed the cart back to the car, loaded them up, packed all of our purchases into the trunk and returned the cart to the corral next to our car.  See how much easier that is when you park next to the corral?  Both babies were so tired and so hungry.  Thankfully I had already made their lunch before we left so all I had to do was reheat it.

When we got home, I started unloading the babies one at a time.  I brought Miss M in and decided to take her right to her booster seat to save having to chase her down to get her into the kitchen later.  As I walked into the kitchen I was surprised by the shattered porcelain crockpot mess I had forgotten about.  Ugh.  I quickly buckled her in then ran out to grab Mr. C from the car.

Both babies ate their lunch while I unloaded our Costco loot and then both said “Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-oh!” as I picked up all of the porcelain bits and pieces off the floor, swept and washed the last off the shattered crock pot off of the floor to make sure baby feet would not suffer any cuts from porcelain dust.

While it was a successful Costco run, it remains a sad day for slow cookers everywhere.  Rest in Peace Crock Pot.  You were so good to us and made life just a little bit easier.  You will be missed.

andbabymakes3imean4 is one mom’s adventures while tap-dancing on the brink of insanity with 2 babies, 11 months apart.  If you liked this post, please subscribe by entering your email address in the side bar or like my page on facebook to be the first to know of future posts.  Thanks for reading! xo

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