Snow Day Potty Madness: This Mama is in need of a Plumber, a Margarita and a Jumbo-Sized Box of Tampons… (it’s not as bad as you think!)

Today is a Snow Day. Snow Days are awesome. Not only do you get to stay home and snuggle in your pajamas all day but the piles of snow cover all of the plastic play equipment in the backyard and make it look so much more tranquil and tidy… as if 2 tiny people have not taken over every square inch of your property. Goodbye, crab-shaped sand box. Adios, tiny plastic picnic table. See ya in the spring, Little Tikes cars. Zen.

Goodbye toys.  You are now just bumps in the pretty, white drift!

That’s a LOT of snow!

It was a pretty ideal day for a snow day considering we had just done a major Costco run yesterday.  We were well stocked and prepared to be snowed in for a week.  The only thing we didn’t have was fresh lemon for lemon water after all of yesterday’s Superbowl junk food.  (First world problems, I know!)  However, I did have lemon essential oil which is just as good in water if not better.  (It’s amazing what you discover when you are in survival mode…I’m roughing it today with my bottled water and essential oil!)

We haven’t had a snow day in a while.  After watching the news to have the road conditions confirmed, I reset my alarm to 9:30am so I wouldn’t sleep the day away and went back to sleep.  When my alarm went off, I had already changed 2 diapers, dressed  2 kids, cycled a load of laundry, made bacon, eggs and toast, washed the dishes, watched 2 episodes of Dora the Explorer and was deciding what to feed the kids for snack.  I suppose setting that alarm was just wishful thinking!

I didn’t think that the day would get much crazier than this morning’s incident with our toddlers’ beloved beta fish, creatively named Blue Fish.  As I sat on the toilet after breakfast, Hubby walked in and said “I think we have a problem with Blue Fish.”  Note to self:  Lock bathroom door.

Me: What’s the problem?

Hubby:  He’s dead.

Me:  That is a problem.  Are you sure?

Hubby:  Don’t fish float upside down when they die?

Me: Yes

Hubby:  Then yes, he is dead.  Do you want to see him before I flush him?

Me:  Not really.  Well maybe… I don’t know.  This is really sad.  Blue Fish was the kiddos’ first pet.  He’s been a really good fish.  Okay, yes, I will come up and see him.

We went upstairs while the kids now 21 months old and 2 and 3/4 years old played in the living room.  Hubby picked up Blue Fish’s fish bowl and we both stared inside of it.  Hubby asked me if I was ready to say goodbye.  I wasn’t.  Thank goodness because as we continued to stare at this poor little Beta fish, he started to swim.  So, we cleaned the fish bowl, fed Blue Fish and carried on with our day, relieved that we hadn’t flushed the poor little guy alive.  It’s hard enough to lose a pet.  I would imagine it would be harder knowing that your parents killed it.  Thank you Blue Fish, for swimming around your bowl at just the right time.

This afternoon after I got the kids up from their naps, we all took turns using the potty.  We are desperately trying to toilet-train Miss M but she is not interested at all.  Mr. C is very interested and is doing really well.  After my turn to pee, I flushed the toilet and immediately noticed that the flushing sound was different.  I looked down to see a bazillion pieces of toilet paper quickly swirling to the top of the bowl.  I quickly grabbed the plunger and started plunging like crazy while 21 month old Mr. C repeated “Scary!  Scary!” not knowing what was going on.  With her priorities in order, Miss M asked me “Where’s purple dinosaur?” at least 57 times as she held the orange and green little, plastic dinosaurs in her hand.  My heart was pounding.  My blood pressure was rising.  Hubby had gone out to a meeting.  The fate of our bathroom was up to me.  Crap.  

I pulled the towel off the towel rack behind me and watched the water instantly soak through it.  As I turned to get more towels, I saw that both toddlers had followed me into the bathroom and were splashing around in the toilet water.  Gross.  I pulled their socks off and begged them to get out of the bathroom as I scanned the toilet up and down trying to remember where the shut-off tap is for the water.  I couldn’t find it.  The kids ran back into the bathroom and I got splashed in the face with toilet water when I turned to shoo them back out.  It’s okay.  It’s just pee.  Breathe.  I grabbed their hands and literally dragged them out and shut the door, locking them outside of the bathroom.  They both screamed and cried and banged on the door, then somehow managed to figure out the childproof door knob lock and busted the door back open.

I took the lid off of the tank and out of desperation and panic, pulled the chain inside because it seemed like the only thing I could do with all of the contraptions inside of it.  Obviously, it caused the toilet to flush again, this time pushing water over the lid like the fountain in the middle of Central Park.  Dammit!  Mr. C applauded and cheered “Yay! Wa-ter!” as I pushed past him to the linen closet in the hallway for more towels.

I quickly unfolded the freshly washed towels and threw them on the bathroom floor.  As I did, I noticed that the brand, new jumbo-sized box of tampons that I had just picked up at Costco was still on the floor next to the vanity because it was too damn big to fit inside the cupboard.  It was now completely soaked with toilet water and so were the tampons inside of it.  Talk about super absorbency.

I ran downstairs to shut off the main water line.  Good idea!  Except that I couldn’t figure out where one might do that.  I really wish my brain would work and I could remember anything of significance.  I can tell you what I wore for picture day in grade 3 but when it comes to things like this, I draw a complete blank.  I scanned the laundry room looking at pipes and taps and things that might end the madness, then settled for a mop and bucket. I ran back upstairs to see that Mr. C was plunging the toilet after emptying the linens from the linen closet since there were no towels left and had dumped our extra sheets and blankets into the toilet water on the floor.  How helpful.

Thanks, little man!

Miss M stood outside of the door, frozen like a statue with a look of pure devastation on her face as she pointed at her beloved, heart-shaped, plastic necklace soaked in water and toilet paper bits on the bathroom floor. “My wook-lace!  My wook-lace! My wook-lace! Mommy, my wook-lace!”  If there is one thing I have learned about two-year olds, it is that a two-year old’s world revolves around the two-year old.  Everything else is just background noise.  A flooded bathroom is just an irritating backdrop for a soaked plastic necklace and a missing purple dinosaur.  “Don’t worry about your necklace!  Mommy needs to clean up the bathroom first and then she will get your necklace!”  Well, those words and my failure to immediately stop what I was doing to rescue the “wook-lace” were enough to push Miss M right over the edge.  She threw herself on the floor in the hallway and had a full-blown tantrum while I finally got the water to stop pouring over the top of of the toilet and then mopped up the mess as Mr. C pulled all of the now-soaked tampons out of the box one by one.

plumber

I threw all of our soaking wet towels and linens down the stairs to the laundry room, stripped both kids down, washed them, washed the bathroom floor, threw out all of the gross, wet tampons and then got to what was important:  cleaning and disinfecting the beloved, plastic, heart-shaped necklace.  Thank goodness this precious, family jewel was not destroyed in the flood.  Crisis averted.

wooklace

This mama is now in need of a plumber, a margarita and a jumbo-sized box of tampons.  In the meantime, there are cupcakes.  Cupcakes make everything better…and stickier. Much, much stickier.

cupcake party

andbabymakes3imean4 is one mom’s adventures while tap-dancing on the brink of insanity with her insanely adorable and entertaining Irish twins, now 1 and 2 years old.  If you liked this post, please subscribe to my blog or like my page on Facebook to be the first to know of future posts.  Thanks for reading!  Cheers! xo

2 thoughts on “Snow Day Potty Madness: This Mama is in need of a Plumber, a Margarita and a Jumbo-Sized Box of Tampons… (it’s not as bad as you think!)

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