Today was a crappy day. I didn’t get much sleep after dealing with all 3 kids up during the night for various reasons and found myself scrunched up like a pretzel trying to catch some shut-eye in between their 3 squirmy, bed-hogging bodies and that of our 65 lb dog, the ultimate bed hog, who will pee if you try to move her.
Tired kids, a rainy morning, a sleep-deprived mama and it being Friday of an exhausting first week back to “normal” after Christmas break made for a challenging morning. To be a kid again… where when you are tired and grumpy, you just forget about the clock, time, your routine and wander around in a haze before collapsing on the floor like Bambi on ice because you apparently can no longer dress yourself.
After Hubby and I wrestled Thing 1 and Thing 2 into their school uniforms, we took turns trying to dress a deliberately limp, resisting and uncooperative 2 year old, Thing 3 who absorbs his 4 year old older brother’s less than favourable behaviours like a sponge. “Hmmph” followed by pouting followed by flailing followed by rolling around on the bedroom floor followed by taking his clothes off again faster than we could get them on.
As we dragged them to the breakfast table, 4 year old Mr. C yelled at me with a furrowed brow and angry eyes. Nothing I can repeat since it wasn’t even sensible enough to be words. Just angry squawking in between beady-eyed “Hmmph” through crossed arms which 2 year old Mr. O quickly mimicked. As if you have any reason to be mad at me, little man! Mr. C’s displeasure was at least rooted deeply in his resentment for my terrible decision to feed him breakfast before taping the tattered edges of the little paper insert that came with his ‘Grossery Gang’ toys that he got for Christmas. Don’t even get me started on these disgusting little toys. I’m not prepared for raising gross boys! Ha!
Hubby escaped long enough to discover that our princess of a pup had crapped on the living room carpet that I had just cleaned over the Christmas break. It only makes sense. We couldn’t expect her to go out and do her business in the rain, after all!
The pressures of the crappy weather outside were wearing on my temples and sinuses. Once 3 coats, 6 boots, 3 hats, 3 backpacks, 6 mittens were on all required limbs, I kissed my babies goodbye as Hubby took them to school and attempted to wrap my aching head around the tornado that had hit our kitchen, bathroom, living room and bedrooms. For kids that barely eat breakfast, they sure trash the table, chairs and floor.
I quickly got dressed, coaxed an unwilling dog into her crate so she wouldn’t destroy the house in a rage of separation anxiety. (She completely chewed up my favourite tube of lipstick yesterday for no particular reason.). Then I drove through the rain and fog to a doctor’s appointment that didn’t go overly well.
I left the doctor’s office and found myself walking slower and slower to my car in the pouring rain. My brain was in overdrive. My heart was racing. My stomach was hungry. The coolness of the rain seemed to centre me in a strange way. I took a deep breath and let the rain hit my face and hair before collapsing into the car and having a little cry.
Get it together. I told myself. So I took a deep breath, realized how hungry I was and decided that since it had been such a shitty morning and my kitchen was too messy to even deal with right now that I would grab something quick. Without much thought about anything, I found myself in the McDonalds’ drive-thru. I’ve recently realized that I am an emotional eater. I eat to celebrate. I eat when I’m sad. And, when I’m really down, I want to eat the most terrible of things….(No Offense, Ronald McDonald!) As I waited behind the car in front of me, I had a moment of clarity where I remembered my clean eating meal plan and prompted myself to leave. But I fought that voice of reason off pretty quickly and ordered an egg mcmuffin with hash brown and orange juice. I couldn’t even commit to my nutrition plan with the beverage! But hey, I deserved it, right? Ugh. If I could turn back time…
I regretted this blip in my clean-eating before the overly polite young woman even handed me my greasy, brown bag through the pouring rain. But I ate it anyways. I was starving. I didn’t enjoy a single bite of it. Once you’ve been eating clean for a little while, the old guilty pleasures aren’t as enjoyable, that’s for sure.
I came home and was ready to throw in the towel. It seemed like the perfect day to put Netflix on, nurse the headache that I was basically willing to take ahold of me and decide on having a more productive day tomorrow.
I snuggled with my dog for a few minutes before telling myself “No! Not today! Not me! Not now! Rise up!”
It’s so easy to feel discouraged on the road to fitness and wellness. After all, it’s SO much easier to make up an excuse not to eat right or not to go to the gym than it is to actually follow through on the nutrition and fitness commitments you’ve made to yourself. Cut the crap!” is my 2018 resolution to myself. It’s a resolution for me and no one else. I don’t lie to my husband, my family or friends so why do I lie to myself regularly? I’m too tired. Bullshit. I don’t have time. Bullshit. I’m too down. Bullshit. I’m not feeling well. Bullshit.
JUST STOP! (Me yelling at myself!)
If you can’t kick your own ass, who do you expect to do it for you? Regardless of what your goals are, YOU need to stand up, show up and GET IT DONE. There’s no time for excuses. Especially when you’re making excuses to yourself that are enabling you to hinder your own wellness.
I keep this meme as the background on my phone.
It inspires me. I might print it for the inside of our pantry (aka the snack vault) too! I love it because it speaks to the inner struggle many of us face with our own health and wellness goals.
Time’s up for excuses! Time’s up for self-pity! Time’s up for saying “Tomorrow, next week, next month…” It’s GO time! Life’s too short. And at this point in my life, I refuse to give energy to anything that doesn’t “fill my cup!”
So I forgave myself for that drive-thru mistake. It’s amazing how something so small can actually set you back. I just ate crappy food after eating super clean all week so I may as well write today off!” NO! Forgive yourself and move forward. Shit happens. Every minute of every day shit happens. There will be slip-ups along the way but it’s your ability to get back on track that proves your inner strength. Am I seriously going to throw it all away over an egg mcmuffin and a crappy morning? Nope!
So I jumped in the shower and I went to the gym and I worked so damn hard that I know I’m going to hurt so good tomorrow. And I logged my calories and was honest with myself. And I realized that a one hour fitness bootcamp where I sweated and worked my ass off barely put a dent in burning those calories that I took in at my pity party drive-thru breakfast. Woah! If this isn’t a learning opportunity than I don’t know what is because it took me roughly 5 minutes to eat that Mickey D’s breakfast which caused immediate guilt and indigestion. After one hour spent in a bootcamp, I felt happy, energetic, strong and healthy. Yet after multiple circuits of push-ups, squats, burpees, pull-ups, etc, etc, etc, I still haven’t broken even in terms of calories on my morning mishap.
Knowledge is power. And knowing full well how hard I need to work to crush those empty and sad calories, I won’t be doing that anytime soon!
Shit happens. Forgive yourself and move on. Don’t throw it all away over a little mistake. I heard a fitness trainer put it this way “When you get a flat tire on your car, you don’t say ‘Well since one tire is already flat, I may as well slash the other three!” What a great way to put it! Mend that tire. Get back on that horse. Only you can control you. And only you can cut the crap and say “Let’s go!” And mean it.
Forgive yourself. Move on. Let’s do this together, regardless of what your this might be…